Good Friends...a Cigar...a Bum...and Handcuffs

I would like to think I have an appreciation for the finer things in life.  I love a good cigar, a good scotch-whisky or bourbon and nice clothes.  The only thing that could make that combination better, would be good company.  Sometimes I'm just lucky enough to have all of those.  This weekend would offer that kind of luck.

This past weekend I was attending a close friend's wedding.  It was a beautiful wedding.  Everyone was looking great.  People were laughing, catching up and enjoying the short time we had with one another.  I had a few cigars I had bought from earlier in the night, and I naturally asked a few guys if they wanted to step outside.  They couldn't turn it down.

We excused ourselves from the reception and sat at a table outside.  I set my double old fashion glass down and begin to light my cigar.  We sit there for a while, exchanging pleasantries and begin reminiscing about the past.  A older gentleman walks towards us and he locks eyes with me... he's coming over... he wants money.  He was homeless and wanted to talk to us.  Actually, to be more accurate, he wanted to tell us jokes.

He walks up and says, " Hey fellas, my name is Greg, and I'm not a bum.  I work for my money.  So here's the thing, how's about I tell you 3 jokes I made up and if you guys like'm you give me a dollar?"  My friend Shane says, " Let me warn you buddy, these two guys (points to Justin and myself) know every joke, so you better have funny ones."  Greg turns to him and says, " I guaranty you'll laugh.  I made'm up and they good."  I tell him, " Old Gory (that's what his shirt said), I got a better deal, you tell us a joke and  I'll tell one after you, and if mine is funnier than yours, you owe me a dollar."  He said, "No problem" and proceeded to tell the joke.

"Alright guys, what do 5 black guys call an old white man?"  Not a single second goes by before Justin spouts out, "Coach!... get the hell out of here bro!"  We lost it.  I understand this is a homeless guy.  I understand that we were sitting there while he wanted something.  I also understand he lied about making up a joke... thus they laughter.

So I turn to the guy and tell my joke.  "Two gerbils are walking by a gay bar.  One gerbil turns to the other and says, ' Hey, you wanna get wasted tonight?' The other gerbil turns to the other one and says, 'I don't know, you feel like getting shit-faced?'"  The guys lost it.  I told him, "You owe me a dollar my friend."  He walked away.

Everything was back to normal and my friends and I are enjoying ourselves once again.  Suddenly there is a Dept. Sheriff walking towards us in mid-conversation.  My friend Justin turns to him, as if he was coming to join our conversation and says, " What did Michael Jackson die from?"  The officer says, "I have no clue.  What was going on with the guy you were talking to?  What was he doing?"  We all said he was just trying to tell jokes and get money.  The officer than says, " That's not the story he's telling me."  My friend Blake says, " What is he saying?"  The officer says, " He says he gave you guys some stuff?"  Shane says, "Like drugs?"  I say, " You're joking right?  The only thing he gave us was a lesson on why we shouldn't do drugs.  Not to mention, if I was going to buy drugs, do you honestly think I would buy them from a bum?"  The officer turned to me and said, "That's a good point.  Have a nice night guys."  And he walks away.

Later I would find out the bum was caught smoking crack next to where we were and told the Dept. that we bought some of his crack from him.

This was only the beginning of one of the craziest nights of my life.

It's always fun to enjoy good company, good drinks, good cigars and great stories... aaaaand the occasional bum who lies about selling drugs, while telling bad jokes to a group of old friends at a wedding reception.